The Broken Road and Healing River: Camp Running in the Elwha Valley

The break in the road was far less dramatic than what I had envisioned. The only thing that kept motorized traffic off the eight miles of asphalt leading to Olympic Hot Springs was a minor washout, hardly more than a dozen feet across, carved by an errant channel of the Elwha River. A small wooden bridge over the gap, made it easy enough to cross and, apparently, Park Service vehicles were already using it to conduct their business. Nonetheless, that gap in the road, cut off civilian traffic to the springs — unless, of course, they were motivated to get there without a car.

I left my car back at the Madison Falls parking lot, where the Park Service had barred the road, and started down the pavement, backcountry camping permit attached to my pack. After going a few paces at a walk, I fell into a light jog, then thrust my chin forward and started running.

This was the first time I’d tried camping with a backpack light enough for me to run with. Items like a sleeping bag, tarp, food and first aid supplies added weight on my shoulders, but the burden was a manageable one. I was pleased to see myself moving much faster than conventional hiking speed.

Crowds of people of people strolling out from the parking lot diminished rapidly as I put miles down. Here and there, and odd biker cruised along the pavement.

The murmurings of the Elwha drifted through the trees, sounds that would no doubt have been drowned out by the din of auto traffic a year earlier. There was no exhaust in the air, but a stimulating tang of sun-warmed pine needles refreshed my spirit. For all my scattershot planning, second guesses and doubts, it was good to actually be out there doing the thing.

 

I would run 10 miles and climb 2,000 feet, then camp near the springs with the small provisions in my pack. The next day, I would log about 22 miles over a five-thousand foot mountain ridge.

I stopped on my fourth mile to walk out on the remains of the Glines Canyon Dam. The abandoned road had already lent a post-apocalyptic theme for my trip, but this was something else.

A walkway led out onto the 210-foot span, then ended abruptly for a view into a chasm where the rest of the dam used to be. The milky-blue Elwha river ran unencumbered beneath the gaze of its former captor. Rapids thrashed out against the stone walls and churned in a confusion of rapids downstream.

What disaster had destroyed this mighty dam? No disaster (depending on who you ask) but a public project to restore the river and bring back salmon. The Park Service signs around the site explained the work, the largest of its kind in US History.

Since the Elwha Dam construction began in 2010, the Elwha has been a dammed river. The Glines Canyon Dam followed in the 20s, providing the electricity that helped run the mills in nearby Port Angeles, Washington. The dams also blocked salmon access to 70 miles worth of prime salmon spawning ground. Thomas Aldwell, the Canadian-born dam financier, did not bother putting fish ladders in either of his dams. Even if there had been ladders, the fact that the dams held back sediment and drastically changed the river temperature was still enough to spell disaster for salmon and steelhead populations that would have used the river before. How much sediment? The volume is equal to the area of a football field multiplied by 2.25 miles according to the Park Service. A beach has reformed at the river mouth as the sediment comes down the current, and it is even replenishing Ediz Hook, the narrow of land spit that forms Port Angeles’s natural harbor. The Hook has become a popular fishing spot in the wake of dam removal.

When the dams went up, they dealt a hard blow to the salmon fishing livelihood of the Lower Elwha Klallam Tribe, which lives near the mouth of the river. Not surprisingly, the Klallam were a major proponent of dam removal. Congress approved the process with the 1992 Elwha River Ecosystem and Fisheries Restoration Act, signed by George H.W. Bush.

It took until 2011 for the last of the Elwha Dam to come out and longer for a floating barge to chip out the Glines Canyon Dam. In 2014, the last 30 feet of the structure went down in a blast of dynamite.

 

Life is finding its way back to the river. The salmon are beginning to re-find their old spawning grounds now, thanks in part to help from humans, who have released the tiny spawn upstream of the dam sites so that they would imprint and later return to these habitats.  On a recent kayak trip down the Elwha rapids, I got to see the artificial log-jams along the river that slow and cool the currents, making life better for returning salmon.

More human effort to realign the human-scarred landscape included the willow, salal, black cottonwood and numerous other native species workers had planted along the edges of the gray siltscape that marked the former Mills Reservoir to my south.

After a century of imprisonment, however, it should be unsurprising that the river should lash out a bit upon release. Hence the washed-out section of road, which made the traffic on the Hot Springs road a no-go.

The landscape around me seemed more wild just knowing that there wouldn’t be seeing any families leaving the engine idling as they got out for a quick picture of it. I looked up to the snow on the peaks in the Olympic Mountains and knew it was time to start running again.

 

My calves got a nice workout as I knocked out 2,000 feet of elevation in a couple miles. I stopped to enjoy a lookout over the Straight of Juan De Fuca and distant Vancouver Island.

The road ended at a National Park trailhead. No mountain bikes allowed beyond this point. Everyone was now foot traffic like me. Other notices remarked that a suspension bridge along the trail was considered unsafe, also that fecal coliform had been found in the hot springs (I thought all coliform was fecal, but yeah, nice way to emphasize that point.) The National Park Service still says no to weed, no matter what the laws were in Washington State. Uncle Sam set the house rules here.

The trail was easy running, with wide margins and the occasional ditch to hop. I spied a woman walking over the questionable suspension bridge, and decided to take my chances with it, even though I was a bit heavier.

The trail continued along an Elwha tributary and led to another bridge where I smelled the faint aroma of rotten eggs. Lines of rocks marked the springs, helping to shore up the water. The manmade walls were a far cry from the concrete, entrance fee and bath towel affairs that I’ve seen at commercial hot springs elsewhere. They were a small human improvement, and the damming seemed far less egregious than the toppled behemoths that had sequestered the Elwha.

I explored tiny trails leading to secret springs, finally found a murky pool that was a way above the main trail. A bright blue line of mineral substrate issued from the crack in the rocks where the water fed this natural spa. Steam wisped upward from the dark mirror surface. I took my clothes off.

I put a foot in the spring. The water was scalding. Then, I dangled a leg in and waited until it seemed OK. I let the rest of myself settle beneath the murky surface.

Aahhhhhh. Not bad! Not bad at all!

 Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as I gazed at moss-covered branches overhead and the blue sky beyond.

If I had no one else to share the spring with me I could thank/blame the Elwha again for taking out the section of road and limiting access. I’d heard from others that the springs were usually crowded during the summer months. Such crowds had likely brought the coliform contamination as bathers answered nature’s call near springs.

I made a mental note to use plenty of hand sanitizer before dinner that night.

 

Fires were not allowed at the springs campsite, but I hadn’t found out until I got there and I’d saved weight by not bringing a fuel stove in my backpack. There had yet to be a general burn ban in the forest. Nor did the prospect of cold pea soup crunch for dinner did not appeal.

I was determined to make the tiniest of fires, reasoning that done right, this would be more ecological than fossil fuel. I used mineral soil at the base of a felled tree as the fire sight, and built a fire pit of about six inches across using three large stones. Using a vaseline-soaked cotton ball as starter, I started a minute twig fire, that was nonetheless enough to boil water in a pot for soup.

Plenty of us use camping as a way to reward the fire bug in ourselves, delighting in how large we can build the flames from the available wood. It is a perverse application of American “more is better” mentality, where people think that the ability to squander resources makes it their right. Knowing that most people are going to strip large amounts of wood from the surrounding forest, it is no wonder that the Park Service would want to ban campfires at the site.

Some may call me an elitist scofflaw for excepting myself from the rules. I nonetheless took pleasure from trying to make the smallest, most efficient blaze and utilizing it to full capacity. I got plenty of warmth by getting close up to the flames. By the time the fire had burned itself out, I had scarcely gone through a few handfuls of twigs. I heated some more water on the embers and drank the scrapings from the pot.

Like the fire before it, my shelter was a small affair` . I strung rope between two trees and lay a short tarp over it. I carved out some stakes from twigs with my pocket knife. Sleeping bag and tent pad went beneath the tarp. Though the end of the bag stuck out from the end of the tarp, I’d planned for this by bringing an ultralight bivy sack to put the bag in. If it rained that night, I should be dry. I found a scrap of plywood nearby and used it as a wind block.

What the bivy sack did was it made me way too warm in the bag and that is why I woke up early that morning with plenty of sweat soaked through my sleeping bag.

 

Mountain peaks that had shone in the alpenglow the night before were now obscured in cloud. I considered that the trail ahead of me could be cold and damp. All the more reason for a morning fire.

I set up a pot of water for oatmeal. As the flames leaped, I held the wet sleeping bag as close as I dared to the fire, and was pleased to see much of the moisture evaporate.

I started running down the trail at around 7:45 am. The trail beyond the campsite narrowed and began taking me up a series of switchbacks on my way to Happy Lake Ridge. My water bottles were empty, I planned to fill up when I got to Boulder Lake which was still about 2,000 feet above my head.

I split my time between running and power hiking as I continued to gain elevation. After a while, I saw the “No Fires” sign, that meant that I had reached 3,500 feet. The trees were less dense then when I had started the other day, with large Douglas firs and Sitka spruce predominating.

I paused at Boulder Lake to filter water and eat second breakfast. The cold mist soon had me chilled and made me put on other layers. I realized that I didn’t have any gloves, but I had accidentally packed one extra sock, which I put over one hand. I wondered if I were really equipped to take on a mountain ridge, bound to be more exposed and colder than what I was dealing with. The trail beyond the lake looked not so well maintained, which worried me because I wanted to cover ground quickly to get back to the car by the end of the day. It would have felt defeating to turn around at this point, though, and I vowed to press on.

I started a brisk hike up a series of switchbacks before starting a brisk hike up to the top of the ridge. The trail was narrower here and the wet shrubbery slapped at my legs. I had to pause repeatedly to climb over and under fallen tree trunks. Spears of broken wood waited for my soles to slip on the slick bark.

More meadow-like areas waited at the crest of the ridge. The trees became scrubby dwarfs. Beyond the shifting clouds were hints of grand valleys and towering peaks just outside my vision. I ran along a rollercoaster of ups and downs, leaning forward to tackle the steep descents on gravel. I breathed easily, pushing, not straining, letting my feet turn over under the pull of gravity and for the rhythm of tiny footfalls to carry me down. The energy flowed over into the next rise, and then, I sank tiny steps into the hill, letting them bring me up to the top. Then down again. The trail cut along steep pitches, where a missed step could translate into a messy tumble through rock and briar.

 

I may not have been smiling, but my heart beat with the quiet joy of the moment. Trail running affirms the present tense, or at least it diminishes my awareness of past and future. I work on a micro-future of what will happen in the fraction of a second before the next footfall, how the torso should turn before the feet do, how to anticipate a landing with one’s entire body. Focus on these minute calculations helps me hold off worry, whether it is troubles in the past or anxieties for the future. I take simple happiness in flowing through the motions with my mind and body. Like the river below, I had (however briefly) unshackled myself.

A patch of snow on the trail, emphasized that I was in mountain country now. A couple miles later, I took a half-mile detour to run down the trail to Happy Lake, where contours of snow clung to the north face of the valley, bleeding into a small stream. The water was so cold that the first mouthful gave me brain freeze.

The clouds broke to the blue sky. A glaciated mountain ridge revealed itself in the distance.

The trail started going down. It would be about 3,000 feet of descent to get back to the paved road and then another 2,000 feet to the Glines Canyon Dam. I let myself begin turning the feet over.

I knew my quadriceps were going to hate me for going down the switchbacks at full tilt. Still, it was good training for them if I wanted to do more mountain running in the months to come. I ran with tiny steps to minimize the individual impacts on my knees.

The sheer pitch of the hill made it impossible for me to run with total abandon, and soon I felt the burning in the quads, which would render me a hobbling oldster for days later every time I walked down stairs.

The trees got bigger again. The scrub grew low and even in a verdant layer that looked like it had to have been manicured. It made me think of some twee victorian park. But I was the only one on the trail.

The twisted, orange trunks of madrona trees flashed by as I skidded down through the curves. Soon, I saw the asphalt line of the road. I got back on and pounded the remaining 2,000 feet to the Glines Canyon Dam.

 

Walkers and bikers strolled at their leisure along the closed road. I smiled and waved. Everyone seemed in high spirits. If they had been in vehicles they would have blown by me with waves of noise and exhaust.

They should keep the road closed, I thought.

Edward Abbey, famous road hater, would have approved, just as the dam removal would have been much to his liking.

In his book Desert Solitaire, Abbey proposes closing all national parks to personal automobiles, and that people go in on “…horses, bicycles, mules, wild pigs..” instead. He reasons that parks will seem far vaster and grander to people if it takes them more effort to get in than, say, pulling up to a drive-thru.

Abbey writes: “We have agreed not to drive our automobiles into cathedrals, concert halls, art museums, legislative assemblies, private bedrooms and the other sanctums of our culture; we should treat our national parks with the same deference, for they too, are holy places.”

I’m inclined to agree. Just to the east of the Elwha River, the popular Hurricane Ridge Road allows tourists to go mountain climbing in their cars. The shimmering snarl of traffic with the grumble of engines reverberating through the valley is a desecration.

Perhaps simply getting people into these places is worth the road building, the smog and the chaos of crowds. When I see the vast majority of these smartphone-equipped people hardly straying a mile from the machines that brought them in, I wonder how much they are appreciating there surroundings, and how much they are just sucking down the experience like so many Big Gulps from the drive-thru window. Is it a meaningful experience for them, or just a momentary sugar rush, an audiovisual novelty? I see little difference between looking at something from the RV window and seeing it on a screen.

Alas, construction on the broken road is going through as I write. Now completely closed off to civilian access, it will remain off limits for an eight-week period. Then, the asphalt river will reopen, and visitors will be able to migrate back up into their territory.

With the dam broken and the road back under construction, the end result seems half right.

As I ran along, a mountain biker called out to me.

“Hey, didn’t I see you here yesterday?”

He had biked to the trailhead yesterday and hiked the remaining two miles to the springs. He’d liked it so much, he was doing it again today. Bombing back down the 2,000 feet of twisting turns on the empty road was one of his favorite parts of the trip — he clocked himself around 40 miles-per-hour.

When he got to the top of the hill, he would hike the remaining two miles into the springs.

“It’s nice having them without the crowds isn’t it?” I ventured.

“Are you kidding?” He said. “That road washout was the best thing that’s ever happened out here!”

The Snow Booger Hotel

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Author at the entrance to his new home.

Going beyond the tent

Building shelter is one of those challenges that isn’t necessarily easy in the backcountry, but like starting a fire, gathering food or navigating off trail, it offers its own satisfaction.

We seek empty spaces as a way to commune with nature; what better communion than to sleep in a dwelling made from the elements of nature?

In the Routt Mountains in northern Colorado, the element I notice above all others is the several feet of snow on the ground, snow that an enterprising adventurer could stack, sculpt, or burrow into for warmth. The air trapped within creates insulating properties that my three-season tent doesn’t have. Plus, the snow is already there. I don’t have to haul it in on my back to make a home out of it — though a snow-shovel can be helpful.

So why have I bothered lugging my tent along when I go on a multi-day trip when I could build a better product out of snow? The fact that I can set the tent up in minutes rather than hours has something to do it. Then there is that fear that I could screw up at shelter building with no recourse except a night in the cold fury of the elements.

Therefore, when I decided to try my hand at igloo building, I chose to erect my first shelter up on a ridge, maybe a quarter mile away from the very solid, timber-built, central-heated structure where I actually sleep most nights. If I screwed up here, a warm bed would be just down the hill.

Champagne powder into snow boogers

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Canoe paddle being used to quarry snow

I should make a note about what I’m talking about when I’m talking about igloo building.

When I tell locals that I’ve built an igloo in the woods, they will often ask if I have actually built a quinzee. In order to build this kind of structure, you build up a big mound of snow and dig it out. My dad and I built quinzees during some of Connecticut’s epic snow years.

To build an igloo, I planned to take blocks of snow and raise them up into a dome. Blocks of snow? This seemed impossible for this part of the Rockies where the snow has the consistency of baby powder.

Snow is a malleable medium, however.

I stumbled upon a eureka moment on my trip to Big Agnes in early January. While digging a pit for my tent, I could shovel snow out in large chunks if I went over it in snowshoes first and left some time for it to set up. The chunks weren’t blocks per say; they were more like irregular snow boogers. Still, I started thinking that these boogers might make a viable building material.

If I could build a shelter with this stuff, it would be a cheap alternative to an Icebox, which is an igloo making device that a Colorado company makes. I had pondered buying one of these so that I could leave my tent behind on trips. That said, many reviews I read online reported that it still took four hours or so for them to put the igloo together. Craig Connally, author of “The Mountaineering Handbook,” says it only took him two hours to build a decent structure. Connally, advises mountaineers to eschew four-season tents when there’s snow on the ground, and get an Icebox instead. He argues that there will not only be a weight savings, but also a time savings.

“Remember,” Connally writes. “…the people who spent the night in their tent will have the pleasure of digging out the frozen anchors, attempting to dry the frost and condensation in the tent, and packing the frosty tent away with a little extra weight to carry.”

This endorsement had me close to buying an Icebox, but then I started thinking that I might be able to build an Igloo without one if I compressed the powder with my snowshoes.

A week after I got down from Big Agnes, I went on a shorter trip up the ridge behind my living quarters. I scouted out a horseshoe-shaped ledge in the hillside where the snow was deep and the firs grew tall. This place would be in the shade most of the time, meaning colder nights, but also a longer lifespan for any structure that I built.

I started tromping circles in the fresh powder, pressing it down toward the earth. After I had compressed it to the max, I took my snowshoes off and started packing the snow in boots alone. I left to grab lunch, then came up a few hours later.

Working with the snow shovel, I dug out beachball-sized snow boogers and arranged them into a horseshoe about six feet in diameter. I kept building until the walls were about belly high. Then it was time to go in for dinner. I stomped out more powder so that there would be more building material for the time I came back.

Putting it together

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View of ceiling under construction

I came back about a week later with my canoe paddle.

I’d just hauled the kayak to the top of the ridge and planned a to go for a fun-filled descent later on. In the meantime, I tried using the paddle to stab out snow blocks.

It turns out that the flat blade was able to extract a much better product than the curved head of the snow shovel. Most of the blocks were still irregular; a snow saw, the kind used by actual arctic natives, no doubt would have been the best tool for the job.

I compensated for my goofy building blocks by mortaring gaps with broken chunks of snow and loose powder. Snow is awesome to build with when you consider that you can squash different pieces together and make it one whole. It forgives plenty of mistakes.

The part that made me nervous was leaning the walls together. I had visions of myself cursing over the collapsed walls.  Due to my reluctance to lean the blocks, the igloo was becoming more cone-shaped than dome. My early plan had been to leave one gap in the walls so that I could walk inside in order to lean the top blocks together to create the ceiling — but this wasn’t working. The gap made the whole structure unstable. I had to close the ring, and dig my way in later so I could put the top pieces on.

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Digging my way in

When the walls got above shoulder height, I started scooping snow around the base, creating a step ladder from the powder so I could put the top blocks in. This fresh snow (I hoped) would also reinforce the walls for the big hole I was about to cut in the side.

I planned to dig under the walls as much as possible to avoid compromising the structure. There was maybe three feet of snow between the bottom block and the dirt. I started my burrow a couple feet away in the already-packed snow, making a mini-quinzee for the igloo foyer.

It took me about half an hour to stab my way through and excavate the rubble. I crawled through the tunnel to the cold blue sanctuary within. There was a manhole-sized gap in the ceiling — the last part of the job. I dug some boogers out of the hardpack beneath my feet and then I was closed in.

There was just enough room to stand, and I could lay flat with my feet jutting out into the entrance tunnel with room for a guest (but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.)

The insulated walls created a stillness. It was calming to sit in the soft blue light coming in through the cracks between the slabs. It is that same calmness that follows a face-plant skiing. For one cold moment, you look down into that cold, still world beneath the snow, a place which is devoid of the noise and motion outside.

“I could stay here, a while” you think.

I spent some time filling in cracks with snow mortar. Then I went outside and broke a mess of branches off from a nearby fir tree. The flat needles made a perfect floor for my new dwelling.

I decided to leave the structure up one night to make sure it wouldn’t fall down for no good reason. Assuming this wouldn’t happen, I planned to spend the next night in my very own snow booger hotel.

Sleepover

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The cozy finished product.

Pale moonlight filtered through the snow clouds as I tromped my way along the pathway up the ridge. Cold flakes melted on my brow as I climbed. A hush on the land. No wind.

From the top, the far flung points of orange light from different houses in the valley looked like ships on a dark sea. A leather slap beat of cowboy boots on hardwood echoed from a barn dance below, but I was in no mood to fumble through a botched set of promenades and dos-i-dos.

The noise faded as I retreated through the pines — the dark deep realm that seduced Robert Frost one snowy evening.

My igloo entrance beckoned out of the from gray snow. I got on hands and knees to crawl through to the womb I’d built for myself.

The scent of the fir boughs lent their crisp scent to the still air. Within minutes, my body warmth boosted the temperature inside my dwelling. I blocked the entrance with my backpack, zipped into the sleeping bag.

I kept the snow shovel close to my head just in case I needed to dig myself out of a collapse.

As my eyes adjusted in the dark, I could see the gray outlines of the blocks I’d built for myself. The ghostly, non-uniform shapes made good dream food.

I slept deep.

The next morning, I checked the water bottle I’d left next to the sleeping bag. No ice whatsoever, though the weather service had predicted the temperature would be 17 degrees that night. An inch of powder had fallen outside. I took a sled ride down the ridge and got to work on time.

Some notes on snow building

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Snow boogers stuck together, as seen from within the shelter

I call it a snow booger hotel. Others might call it a rubble hut. I call it an igloo sometimes, but I know that I didn’t build it with the same craft as a true igloo. I guestimate that I spent about eight hours building the thing but I wasted time with a few mistakes that I wouldn’t repeat on a second go round.

Could I use something like this on a real trip and leave a tent behind? I’d be willing to try as long as I had a backup tarp, no bad weather was moving in and I got to camp by noonish.

One mistake I made in this project was that I spent way more time packing snow more than I needed to at first. I’ve found that tromping over the snow with snowshoes a few times with the snowshoes and waiting 10 minutes is a viable way to get snow chunks. I’ve also been able to dig up juicy chunks out of the half-melted snow near fire pits. Areas of wind-blown snow could also work (similar to what the arctic people would use to build) because wind will shatter snowflakes and create a denser medium. Snow that’s also been in the sun would also work. When I was camping at 10,000 feet the snow was deep enough that some of the bottom layers were naturally chunking up, but the base isn’t quite deep enough to get those benefits at my current elevation.

I dug some OK chunks out of a groomed snowmobile trail as an experiment. Building a snow shelter this way will make some snowmobilers unhappy, but in a survival situation…

I also built this snow shelter much larger than I needed to for strict survival purposes. If I did build something out on the trail, I would build a lower ceiling to save time and allow more room for warmth to accumulate. The shelter did sag a bit after a couple days, probably because my dome was sloppy, but I reinforced it with more snow and it seems OK so far.

Digging under the wall as opposed to leaving a gap in it throughout the building process worked well for my purposes.

I’d like to try using my stove or a candle inside to see just how well that works to warm the whole structure. Another challenge would be to see how well I could compress the snow for block making if I were using skis instead of snowshoes.

As for whether I will buy an Icebox, there is no question, that the product makes a better looking product, and I could probably build an igloo faster if I had one. I’m going to save my money though.

Considering how much snow is lying around northern Colorado, it might be fastest just to build a snow cave or a quinzee in order to make a shelter in a pinch. I’d like to try both before the winter is out. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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My view looking out the front entrance

Experiments in Snow Kayaking

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My kayak at the put in

Wipeout  in a whiteout

The kayak barely moved at first. I had to wriggle back and forth to inch it forward on the snow ledge I’d created. I saw the chunks of crust break away as gravity grabbed hold of the bow. Then the boat tilted over and we started tearing down the gully.

White powder sprayed up into my face. I could barely see what was happening, only that I was moving very fast. My efforts to steer with the paddle hardly mattered; down was the only direction my boat was interested in going — and it was going that way faster and faster. I squinted ahead to the fast approaching tree stand, wondering how the hell I was going to thread my way through.

Something bumped beneath my hull. The world instantly flipped upside-down and went white. My head was buried in the snow.

The ride was over.

I flipped myself right-side up, observed that my boat was almost completely buried in powder and that my paddle had flung out several yards down slope from me. To retrieve it, I had to take my sprayskirt off and wade through waist-deep snow. I’d need that paddle to get the rest of the way down the hill.

In the traditional model, I would wait to go kayaking until the snowmelt.

The powder on the mountains here in Routt County will begin feeding the rivers in a couple of months. Rivulets beneath the crust will merge, feed into drainage gullies, streams and willow fens, down to the Elk River in the Colorado River system. From the Yampa, to the Green River and eventually the Grand Canyon, the melting white stuff will build standing waves and hydraulics for whitewater kayaks and rafts to play in.

But just because the snow hasn’t melted, doesn’t mean that I can’t kayak over it. All it takes is a steep enough hill and a lot of powder.

Climbing with a paddle

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Kayak tow system for winter

Getting a kayak to that steep hill is the first challenge. My system involves snowshoes, a backpack, carabiner, rope, and a canoe paddle. I set the ascender bars on the snowshoes and start wallowing up the deep powder with the rope tied to the bow, clipped to the carabiner on my backpack. The first run is always the hardest because I’m breaking trail and pulling my kayak uphill through powder. I lean forward like some hobbled supplicant, praying that the kayak won’t yank me off my feet.

In some ways, the canoe paddle in my hands works even better than the hiking poles I typically use with snowshoes.  Paddling the powder on flat sections gives me a decent momentum boost from my upper body. The paddle also balances me. I can brace the flat of the blade against the snow, much as I would use a high brace to prevent a kayak from capsizing in waves. When the going gets steeper, I use the paddle more like an ice axe, sinking it deep into the snow above me and using it to pull myself up.

I often fall when the snow gives out from under me or my snowshoes lose their grip. Here, I can get back on my feet, pushing off the flat of the snow, like I’m doing an Eskimo roll.

The paddle can even dig out steps for me when I get to the steepest sections of the slope.

Going up the hill this way is one of the most physically grueling workouts I’ve ever done — a full body punishment system. My heart pounds like an express train when I finally get to the top of the ridge, maybe 150 feet above my start point. It’s a lot quicker on the way down.

Set up

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Kayak, pack and paddle

The climb was over. Finally.

I wiped sweat out of my eyes and surveyed the run. It was a south slope and the sun had just come out. Hence, a delicate crust was already forming on the powder.

I pulled my sprayskirt out from my jacket where I had stashed it in an attempt to keep it warm and stretchy.

There is something reassuring about this sprayskirt, a solid piece of neoprene that has stood up against the fury of waves and rivers. This pricey, “serious” piece of gear, helped me feel that, yes, I did know what I was doing up here, looking down a 35-degree snow slope through an aspen glen.

I used the paddle to dig out a notch in the slope where I could set the kayak down.

Getting the sprayskirt attached around the cockpit was a chore in the cold, even after I’d stashed it in my jacket to keep warm. The skirt wasn’t strictly necessary to go down the hill, but I did like how it kept the powder out of my lap. And I had that psychic comfort of knowing I was using a piece of gear that had served me well on past trips.

It did feel a little weird being in a kayak without a life vest however.

The backpack on my shoulders was another thing that was a little different from my standard kayak trip. I’d already given up trying to tie my snowshoes to the kayak for the way down. It was easier to put them into the nylon loops at the sides of my pack and fasten them together with a cam strap.

I put a ski helmet on and sunglasses. I wrapped a mesh t-shirt around my head  like a burka to deflect all the powder that was about to come flying up at my face.

I looked at the canoe paddle, a cheap wood thing I’d bought in Minnesota. Having already busted up a couple kayak paddles last year, I decided that I wasn’t ready to invest in quality piece of equipment only to smash it in while jackassing in the snow.

Making it work

The mantra for this run was “Lean that mother!”

Just as I had leaned kayaks on edge to turn them in whitewater or waves, I planned to use the same principles to make the boat work on the snow. Adrenaline had helped me forget this principle on my earlier runs and I had tried turning by using the paddle alone. It wasn’t enough.

With that in mind, I planned to lean far enough to put my whole body against the snow if need be.

I pushed off and the kayak began grinding downhill at a slow crawl. I leaned the boat way to the left and dug the paddle in on that side. Sure enough, the boat began to turn that way. The sound of crust breaking beneath the bow accelerated at a slow grind to a faster swoosh. Snow began flying up into my face. Now, I was moving at a skier’s speed. I leaned right toward a gap in the scrub oak and the boat responded in a neat arc.

I was carving!

The boat responded to the powder exactly the way it was designed to turn on the river, the same way a skier would cut graceful curves into the alpine slope. I’d stumbled into a unified theory between snow and water.

I shot through the gap in the shrub and the powder started flying up in my face. The view throuh my sunglasses became dim, then obscure. Then I could see only see white. My hands clutched the paddle, unwilling to let go. The best I could do, while flying blind was to lean hard and hope to avoid hitting anything.

After a couple seconds the kayak stopped. I took the sunglasses off and saw that the lean had dug the kayak deep into the snow and basically thrown on the braking power that I’d needed — that along with the fact that I’d steered into some shrubs.

I put the sunglasses in a pocket and analyzed the route down the hill. I pushed off again and carved the rest of the way to where I’d started.

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Buried kayak after a flip in snow

Can snow kayaking be the next hot sport?

Some witnesses have seen me going up and down the hill with my kayak and asked where I got the crazy idea.

No, I wasn’t the first person to think of it. There are some very entertaining online videos of others who have gone before me.

Nonetheless, this is hardly a popular sport yet. I’m enjoying something out which doesn’t necessarily have a large body of knowledge surrounding it and gives me the challenge of finding some things out on my own. Nor does snow kayaking (yet) have specialty products designed specifically for the job.

Note: If I were designing a kayak specifically for going down snow slopes, I would probably build metal edges into the sides for better carving. But that would subtract from the fun of doing something goofy in inadequate gear.

Snow kayaking is also a learning opportunity for boat technique

Many similarities between boating and snow sports became apparent after I started launching my down the hill.

Leaning for instance. I plan to steer with same aggressive edge that I used to carve the snow the next time I kayak in whitewater.

On the flip side,  now that I have tried using a canoe paddle with snowshoes, I’m considering ditching poles on my next snowshoe trip with steep hills. Being able to brace against the powder without plunging deep into it (as with poles) is a huge advantage while climbing. So is being able to carve steps quickly.

The paddle also proved instrumental an igloo building project that I will describe in a future post.

Kayak vs. Skis

When the fresh snow falls on the hills and I have to decide whether I’d rather strap boards to my feet or go rambling in my yak, there are considerations to weigh:

Kayaks are slower to move uphill

When it comes to kayaking down a hill vs skiing, the former is obviously far more laborious to haul up to the top, at least if ski lifts aren’t a part of the equation. This is however, a killer workout that I’d would recommend to anyone who wants to get in shape for mountain climbing or trail running.

Kayak gear is tougher to work with in winter

Other changes that I had to make to kayak the snow vs. on water included moving the foot pedals way back so that I could fit inside the boat it wearing winter boots. A sprayskirt is nice for keeping the snow out, but getting it on and off in the cold is a bear.

Because snow kayaking only puts my head a couple feet above the slope, even more powder flies up in my face than what I’d encounter skiing. I’d probably do well to invest in some ski goggles before snow kayaking full time.

Kayaks are more forgiving when they hit stuff, but will hit more stuff

One advantage of the low body position is that I can’t get knocked off my feet like I can skiing, though a flip is definitely possible.

If I hit a tree in a kayak, it will go better than if I hit a tree on skis because I’ll have a bunch of plastic protecting me. The fact that the kayak doesn’t steer as well as skis means that collisions are harder to avoid.

Kayaks excel when terrain is deep and steep

The kayak’s extra volume means that it floats very well on snow. I got some decent runs on a powder day when some of my friends snowboarding friends could barely move. They ended up using the kayak tracks to pick up speed.

On groomed trails, snowboards or skis are definitely faster and more exciting than a kayak run. If I put glide wax on the bottom of my boat, it may change the equation.

Without deep powder, steering is possible, but sketchier. I took a run down a south slope that had crusted over and found myself going down the hill backwards with next to no control.

So far, deep powder and steep slopes have equaled the most fun for me, including one run where I went down slope in a chest-deep mass of churning snow.

While deep and steep snow has made for the best kayak runs for me, that stuff is also the hardest to drag a kayak through.

What I’d like to try next:

At some point I’d like to graduate to a double-bladed kayak paddle, though I doubt I’ll find anything cheap enough that I’d be willing to sacrifice anytime soon.

I’d also like to try setting a luge track in the hill and build banked turns with a shovel. It’d be fun to get up some speed without having to worry about steering so much.

I’m both excited and terrified to see what happens when I finally melt some glide wax onto the bottom of the kayak. I have a feeling that it will be a wild ride.

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Kayak ready for the next run

Enter The Boundary Waters

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A moose cow and her calf wading near the entrance to Cherokee Lake

Here’s an interesting exercise:

Open another window in your browser and go to Google Maps or some other mapping software of your choice. Zoom in on northeastern Minnesota, where you will see the many, many lakes within the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness. Note that these lakes continue north to Canada. Lakes next to lakes next to lakes.

They go north through the Quetico Provincial Park, all the way to Hudson Bay.Follow the map around, and you will see that most of the northern reaches of this continent consists of lake country — a zone that begins in Labrador, continues west to the Rocky Mountains. The lakes pick up again along Alaska’s north coast.

When my dad and I loaded gear into a canoe on Sawbill Lake at the edge of the Boundary Waters, we were preparing for a brief foray into a vast expanse of water.

The four to five days that we’d allotted ourselves in the Boundary Waters weren’t really enough for us to reach Hudson Bay. Because we were visiting in October, however, our trip was an opportunity for us to experience a measure of solitude.

“You’re out of rhythm. Try to match my paddling,” my dad told me.

“Well then you’re going to have to slow down. I can’t J-stroke that fast. Or pry stroke. Whichever stroke I’m doing right now.”

We are a kayaking family, dammit. I’ll leave it to more experienced hands like Boundary Waters bard, Sigurd Olson to explicate on the finer points of canoeing technique.

This was my first multi-day canoe trip with my father, though in high school, I’d accompanied him on kayak trips on Lake Champlain and the Erie Canal. Though kayaking is clearly what we do best, we found our rhythm in the canoe eventually, the boat cutting north along Sawbill Lake toward our first portage.

For those of you who haven’t been to the Boundary Waters,  aren’t among the bazillions of Minnesotans who drive north each summer  with Winona Canoes strapped to the roof,  you can understand exploring the area if you imagine tracing a connect the dots, but with lakes. You paddle to a portage trail, and then move yourself, your boat and your stuff along the trail to the next lake. Resume paddling to the next portage.

There are a lot of lakes and a lot of trails, but we’d heard that Cherokee Lake was a beautiful destination, and not too far off from the launch site.

To get there we had to paddle a few lakes and make some portages — the later being anywhere from 100 yards to just over a half mile. That might not sound like much, but when the portage requires unloading and reloading a canoe, hoisting said canoe over your head to walk with it, and making two trips to gather up all your stuff, the portages add up. This included going over some fairly rocky terrain, and sometimes sinking into thigh-deep ooze when we got out of the canoe. At least the portages were marked on the map, usually we had no idea about a beaver dam until we saw it right in front of us. Then the game was getting out of the canoe in the muck, working the canoe over the obstruction, and then walking into the muck on the other side of the dam in order to get back into the boat.

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My dad helping me get the canoe past a beaver dam

The first night, we ate couscous and tempeh along with some kale from my garden. We spent about half an hour wrangling together a bear hang between two jack pines. After it became pitch dark, my dad and I sat by the lake’s edge, talking about what it meant to be getting further from the car, further into the wilderness where there was no telephone service, no medical help close by.

What about getting lost? Getting lost seemed very possible.

There were no marker flags or other handy icons that we could use to identify where to find a portage among the uniformity of trees lining the lakes. It paid to keep a sharp eye on the map as I paddled the canoe, looking out for landmarks like coves and islands that I could use to identify our position.

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A place for beautiful disorientation. View of Cherokee Lake.

When a lake had several islands, figuring out which one was which inevitably became guess-work.

“I think that’s the island I’m looking at …”  I would say.

Sometimes the best thing was just to know that you were heading in the right direction and hope that you recognized the roadsigns in the terrain when they emerged.

What I did appreciate was how this navigation forced the two of us to be attentive to the landscape. We would notice something like a whale-shaped rock, and our noting it would not be a passing curiosity, it would be a vital guide post for us to recognize on the return journey as we sought to hold the right course.

What would be superfluous detail a mile from the car, gained key importance as we moved further out.

It was a relief to put the canoe down after a half-mile portage to Cherokee Creek. It was the morning of our second day. My dad and I took a moment to relish the warming sun as we ate Clif bars and downed peanuts.

I welcomed the creek because the forest would frame us on both sides. One of the best things about being on water is that it gives you a different perspective on the land. We paddled down a golden corridor, with the coniferous tamarack trees turning color before they shed their needles. The creek reflected the tamaracks and the blue sky.

It was a time to paddle as quietly as possible and to simply absorb the quiet beauty of everything around.

The creek opened out to Cherokee Lake.

“Whoa!” my dad exclaimed.

Two moose, a mom and her calf waded through the water.

These were the first of these big creatures I’d seen in Minnesota. Tragically, moose used to be common in the north woods, but are becoming difficult to find. A lot of research has gone into the decline. Guests on my kayak tours will often talk about how they had seen a bear or seen a wolf, but how they would really like to see a moose sometime.

I, like many, believe our warming planet is playing a role in the decline, though the research is complicated, and involves studying how the moose have handled brainworm, ticks, predators and temperatures in high summer.

These moose looked a little scraggly to me, with patchy fur. It had been at least two years since I’d seen a moose. Who knows how long it will be until I see my next?

We floated for a while watching them.

 

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On Cherokee Creek

Notes:

Some cursory information on the moose decline:
http://www.dnr.state.mn.us/moose/index.html

My Dad has already written two blogs about this trip, so I’m the slacker here. Some great reading for you if you get the chance.

http://www.theday.com/the-great-outdoors-blog/20151015/—-serenity-solitude-and-soggy-socks-in-the-boundary-waters-canoe-area-wilderness

http://www.theday.com/the-great-outdoors-blog/20151022/part-ii-serenity-solitude-and-soggy-socks-in-the-boundary-waters-canoe-area-wilderness

The Lester Test

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The first drop on my run down the Lester River. Photo credit to LeAnn.

The Lester River was the first stretch of whitewater that I’d encountered  in Minnesota.

I was just driving out of Duluth on the way to start my sea kayak guiding job last June, when I happened to look to the left side of the road to see an angry slice of high-velocity water churning through a   rock canyon.

“Whoa!”

I pulled my car into a puddle-strewn parking lot nearby and got out to look at the rapids.

The water ran reckless through narrow channels in the basalt, going over drops and throwing itself up several feet into the air whenever it encountered an obstacle. The late 2014 snowmelt fed the beast, as did the heavy rains of the last two days. I felt humbled but also energized by the river’s raw power. Just walking around the slippery banks, peering into the maw of one of the mean hydraulics gave me all the adrenaline I needed for one day.

It would be over a year later before I finally ran the section in a kayak.

Labor Day. The so-called last day of summer brought the crowds out to Lester Park. Situated on the eastern edge of Duluth, the park offers miles of trails for mountain biking, cross country skiing, running and hiking beneath tall stands of white pine. And then of course, there’s the river itself. The swimming holes beneath the falls were an attractive draw on a day when temperatures were in the 80s. Teenagers took to the cliffs for jumping, high enough to put a knot in my stomach and even more nerve wracking when they climbed up on trees so they could get higher yet.

I arrived with my friends LeAnn and Tammy, with whitewater yak cam-strapped with a cardboard sheet onto the roof of my ’93 Mazda Protege. Watch out world. Here comes the pro.

Since it was such a warm day, the three of us decided to take a dip in one of the pools. We opted to avoid the place with the crowds and found a smaller pool upstream that was below a falls. The rainfall during the last couple days had brought the river level up considerably, (though not as high as it had been on my first visit.) Brown tannins and sediment slushed together in the current, created a swirling eddy where we jumped in.

Rafts of foam spun around us. I gathered some into my beard. It smelled like dirty pine needles. I found out that I could climb to the top of a small falls and slide down on my butt. LeAnn and I took turns going over the drop, until I was so cold that I had to lie down on some black river rock to get warm again.

I did not volunteer to try any of the cliff jumps.

Finally, it was time for me to grab my boat. I did a quick scout along 3/4 of a mile of river, stopping to go out on a railroad trestle where kids were (again) jumping into the river. The gnarliest rapids were between Superior Street and the trestle and I spent a good time looking them over. Unlike the first time that I’d gazed upon them however, they no longer seemed impossibly dangerous.

There was a 6-foot drop before this, which looked fun, if not particularly hazardous to life and limb, and then there was a small drop after the main rapids, which I didn’t pay much attention. After that, the river smoothed out and flowed the rest of the way to Lake Superior.

I got LeAnn to volunteer with the camera, took the boat off my cardboard carrying rack and started walking up a trail along the river. It was hard to determine where to bring the boat down because the banks were steep and the further I went, the more tempting rapids I saw. Nonetheless, I knew I couldn’t keep everyone waiting forever, and ended up taking a fishing path down to a broken dam.

I put the yak down on some shattered rocks and eased myself into the water.

There were no big rapids yet, but the river moved fast. I shot between the pine trees on the banks, past boulders where the water pushed itself over the tops. There were a couple small drops that sent the water splashing up to my waist, up to my t-shirt. It was unbelievable that I was doing this in a cotton top instead of my usual wet suit and nylon splash jacket. The air and water were that warm.

Finally, I shot beneath a foot bridge and down the 6-foot drop into a pool. A crowd of onlookers cheered. I hung around in the eddy for a while so that LeAnn could get further downstream with the camera.

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Dropping off the with a convenient eddy waiting on my right side.

This was where the river got narrower, where it put the fear in me.

I tumbled over a concrete weir, paddling hard to get past any keeper hydraulics that might be waiting there. On the overpass ahead of me I saw LeAnn aiming the camera down to the river That was where the rapids started. The shadow of the bridge cast the river into a darkness, as if I were entering a gaping mouth.

I took a quick look up to LeAnn, and then put all my focus on maneuvering.

The sky disappeared. I steered my boat through the twists and drop-offs in dark water.

The light at the end of the tunnel was the sun glinting off the waves and foam of the big rapid. The one that I had spent long minutes staring at last spring, wondering if I could pull it off.

A nice thing about being on the water, is that once you’re moving, there is little time for morbid contemplation.

Here was the steep slope and narrow slope of water with a drop-off on the righthand side. Now I was going down it.

My trajectory was taking me straight for a massive wall, but I had planned for this. I paddled upstream and to the right, (overcompensating) and was briefly fascinated with the fact that I was trying to paddle uphill. If I could just muscle it a couple feet to the drop-off, I would be home free. Somehow, I got there. The nose of the kayak dropped away and sent me plunging down into the pool below. I went neck-deep in water, then bobbed neatly to the surface in a still patch of river.

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Coming out from the bridge and into the rapid, I need to turn right, and fast.
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I paddle for all I’m worth to avoid getting shoved up against the wall on my left side.
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Over the drop

I looked up at where I’d come from. It had been way to the right of the route, I’d planned originally, but it had worked.

I looked up to the bridge, and pumped my fist for LeAnn who was cheering.

I relished the moment, then turned to the last drop on the river which lay beneath the railroad trestle. It was a short little thing. No big deal. I lined up and shot over the edge.

I plunged into the water, expecting the momentum to carry me easily toward the finish line.

But, hey, that was funny. I wasn’t moving forward. Actually, I was moving backward. The rapid had fixed      a tractor beam on my boat’s rear end. I felt more annoyed than anything when I started paddling hard to get out of it. The next thing that happened was that the nose of my kayak went into the air, and I plopped backwards into the water.

Upside down in the swirling river, I had a moment to reflect on the value of staying vigilant. I also set my paddle for a roll, taking the time to get my paddle right so I didn’t screw it up. I dug with the blade and flicked my hips. I was back in the sunshine. The trestle jumpers were cheering. The keeper had relinquished its hold so I could float down the river like it was no big deal.

Beautiful willows sprawled out across the placid water here. The Highway 61 bridge framed the water of Lake Superior in a welcoming arch. I let the muddy current carry me out into the lake, where I could look across to the grain silos in Wisconsin, the tall buildings in Duluth’s downtown.

I got out on the beach, and walked the kayak up toward LeAnn, who met me by the road.

Five years of this

Photo from “Watch Your Step,” a 2010 Tom’s On The Move post about a trip to Yannapaccha in Peru’s Cordilleras Blancas.

Pop some bubbly, throw confetti; drink enough of the bubbly to get teary-eyed over the speeches; give some one else the car keys.

It’s the fifth anniversary of Tom’s On The Move.

When a wildly successful media outlet such as mine has been in the business long enough, celebration is in order. I started Tom’s on The Move as some guy who went on small-scale adventures — climbed mountains here and there, liked running, went kayaking and skiing and on overnight trips. The launch of the website not only kickstarted a lucrative career as a paid outdoor writer, it also financed several international expeditions with sponsors breaking down the doors to get on board. There have been those amazing new species of plants and animals I discovered, the late night television appearances. Then there is the influence that comes with my memberships on various government and corporate boards who lean on my expertise to make sound decisions on outdoor and environmental matters.

I’ve also been lying for several sentences now, a great way to spice up otherwise mundane travel accounts.

When I wonder what has kept me posting five years worth of irregular dispatches from this irregular life, I hope doesn’t account for all of it. No. Because, I can look at where I’ve been and what I’ve done, smile and then let the truth fall: I’m dissatisfied.

If I actually expected fame and fortune to emerge from authoring small adventure blog, then I richly deserve dissatisfaction. Rather, I am dissatisfied because I can put all these blogs together and see a series of disjointed movements that failed to carry me decisively in one direction.

There are individual efforts against mountain peaks or the last miles toward the finish line. After Point A, many trials and tribulations, moments of doubt, until —at last!— Point B.

I’ve lurched out for many of these Point B’s, which are there, because, well, if there is no Point B, then it’s pointless. I’ve tried to discipline my entries into this format so that readers know what they are getting into, what’s at stake.

What I haven’t defined is the larger Point B. Where is Tom (and Tom’s On The Move) ultimately moving? Where should it go?

Over the mountain, through the canyon

Finding physical challenges have been one journey. I like pushing my body, especially when it comes to endurance. That motivation might be as simple as, ‘I can do this, but other people can’t.’

I also like the feeling of doing something hard, feeling mind and muscle working together. Challenges like mountains, or else long days on the trail or the water reveal what is possible, force us to become aware of limits.

While I have enjoyed getting better at things like running, and even getting into cross-country skiing this year, I know that I am still nowhere near the limits of what I can do, especially if I devoted more time, effort and knowledge to pushing myself.

My tent at a mountain lake in the Wyoming Big Horns.

To know what’s there

Adventures are a great way to build awareness of nature. Again, I have much to learn. I read science news about ecology, thumb through nature guides, read works about how humans have been destroying a fabric of life they hardly understand. Yet, I am a long way from being able to look at a pond scene or forest canopy, and understand even a fraction of what is going on. Such ignorance makes me wonder how we can justify traveling beyond our backyards if we can’t even name all the flowers growing there.

A couple years back, I noticed that most of my favorite writers were very strong when it came to descriptions of the natural world, whether I read Cormac McCarthy, Edward Abbey, Tolkien, Dostoyevsky or Robert Frost.

My appreciation of this is no doubt linked to biologist E.O. Wilson’s concept of biophillia, an innate love of nature that comes hardwired into our brains. Even the writers that we don’t commonly think of as nature writers often draw profundity in natural beauty.

I took a canoe out in the Boundary Waters the other day and let myself drift out in the middle of a big lake with no man-made objects in sight. No distractions but my own thoughts. It was amazing how that act changed my self-conception, calmed me, quieted the inner turmoil of disjointed thought. How much more valuable that time would have been, if I could have lost myself for a week instead of half a day.

It is hard to overlook how contemporary society is dissociated from nature, unable to understand how it works or how to survive in it, and the environmentally destructive choices that this society makes.

Mud nests in a Badlands canyon,

Becoming a better writer

Contemplation isn’t the end goal, however. It is only a tool that helps build understanding. Writing thoughts down is the best way that I’ve found to build clearer thinking.

An English professor of mine once said that learning writing is actually learning how to think. I often don’t realize contradictions in my thoughts, until I write them. Often, solving the contradiction is a process of going through the grammar and editing sentences.

The act of writing about an experience builds upon it. Without writing, I could be a passive consumer of events. When I know that I plan to write about something, I think differently about it. I try to be a more studious observer and I try to be more aware of my thoughts. I also imagine, you, dear reader, nodding along when you agree with what I’m thinking, or calling bullshit, when I write something that’s bullshit.

Some would argue that this is too self aware and risks creating artifice. I suspect that most of us already live through experiences self-consciously, whether we acknowledge it or not. We think about how we will caption the photos in Facebook albums (and who will like and comment on the post), think about how we will spin a heroic story to our friends when we get back from an adventure. We instinctively imitate the convenient archetypes that movies and books provide.

You’ll never see an entry on this site that goes like: “When I saw the bird take wing from the branch, it was the only thing I was aware of, the only thing that mattered.”

Bullshit.

I was actually thinking about how I could write that sentence in a way that would impress the readership, but subtle enough to avoid getting called out for pretense. I’ll stop being self-conscious when I’m unconscious, a state that is not conducive to productive writing.

My outdoor writing is a way to claim  a stake in personal experience.

I could have all kinds of interesting thoughts sitting in a canoe in the middle of the lake, and I can be endlessly entertained by reading what great writer’s have to say about lakes and that’s nice. But, the real growth comes out of working with these inputs, repurposing them into an understanding I can call my own. If I am humble, I will  acknowledge how much I owe the understanding to outside experience, the wisdom of forebears.

If I can put together an understanding that is persuasive enough enough, perhaps others will want to absorb it into their own.

We social mammals strive to be accepted, loved, understood. I want my writing to be a springboard for my values, to have a value that people can take away with them.

Thus, it is always a pleasure, when I hear that people have been reading my stuff, that they might have actually, enjoyed it. That keeps me from just saying, ‘To hell with it,’ and keeping a journal.

Ice formations I photographed in the Onion River Canyon this winter

Self-Discovery

There is still the risk that everything that comes out of my introspection and observation will be trite, cliched and obvious.

Yet, if I arrive at conclusions as the result of careful thinking, hours of writing, then at least I will feel the satisfaction of knowing that I own those values. I didn’t just pick them up at checkout and take them home with me. I got my fingers in the dirt, examining, questioning, cultivating.

If I can write about what I do, perhaps it will help me to better understand what makes me tick, better understand what the world around me is, how I am supposed to behave in it.

Alarm bells should go off whenever, I find myself writing about getaways. There is always something to get away from. More interesting to me, is finding a way to get a footing in the “real world” full of all its messy relationships, money transactions, positions of power, injustices and constant compromise.

The temptation to imagine that wilderness is some fantasia apart from our supermarket aisles and gas stations is dangerous because these are on the same planet, suffused with the same atmosphere, built on the same dirt. The car we drive despoils someone else’s eden with oil derricks. The more repulsive our mini-malls and office cubicles become to us, the more we feel the need to embrace the quiet lake.

But even on the quiet lake, the cacophony of our civilized white noise buzzes on through my head, even if nature helps to quiet it. The seemingly separate worlds permeate each other.

Both spheres have new challenges for me to face.

In the stories we read, it is challenge that reveals a character’s true nature. What decisions does the character make? What does the character learn about his/her nature?

If my true character has not become clear to me, it is because I have left too many challenges unanswered, or I haven’t picked the right one yet.

Again, looking over my own words helps guide my insight (and my internal editor warns me that the change in tone is too abrupt, too deus ex machina.) Now it seems that I can only ignore their message through willful blindness  The quiet lakes and still un-despoiled mountains which have given me so much, deserve more from me. They deserve someone who doesn’t just write about them, but fights for them.

After all this thinking, there comes the the tough part, I must find a way to do what I believe in.

Thanks for reading.

Alcove on Lake Superior at dusk

The Trail is My Dance Partner

Where’s the motivation?

I woke up with the sound of howling wind bending the tree branches,  the patter of rainfall on the roof of my  Minnesota apartment. Temps were supposed to be in  the high thirties that day. I was also planning to hit the trails for a weekly long run, putting in the miles that I’d need to compete in a 50-mile trail run on July 25.

If I was going to race this thing, I was going to have to train ruthlessly, to laugh at rainy days, hail, heat and other obstacles that stood in my way. I ate my large oatmeal breakfast and procrastinated the next couple hours inside reading Robert Frost poems.

Finally, at 11:30 am, I knew I could wait no longer, lurched outside with my guts sloshing from the big meal and started jogging up the pavement towards the woods. Nothing cramped or puked, so that was a good start.

I wore my Boston Marathon tech shirt,  running shorts, a thin balaclava and my iridescent orange shell. I placed a small tube of Vaseline in the right pocket, along with some athletic tape (to prevent chafing and to splint any catastrophic ankle sprains respectively.) For the left pocket, I put a small baggie full of Trisquits. There was a compass strung around my neck too. It was probably unnecessary, but what the hell?

Soon I was cooking underneath all of my gear as I ran uphill.The rain had turned even the tiny streams into torrents, surging brown and furious as they flushed sediment down the slopes. One of these would almost be good for a kayak run, I thought, thinking of  my new eight-foot whitewater boat that I was itching to use.

I traded the pavement for a logging road leading up into the woods, felt the ground squelch beneath my feet. The shoes would get soaked real thorough-like on this trip.

I kept running uphill for about a half a mile until I reached the Superior Hiking Trail (Also called the SHT or SHiT.) I turned north,towards nearby Leveaux Mountain and Oberg Mountain. I planned  to run up the two of them and loop back home. This particular section of woods had a lot of maple trees growing and that meant that it was prime territory for wild leaks. I saw huge clumps of  them, glowing radioactive green amidst the dull colors of the leaf litter.

I also saw puddles. Sections of the trail were completely submerged. It was possible to scamper delicately from root to rock to board and cross these areas with dry feet. This took too much time and there were too many puddles so I adopted a “fuck it” attitude for them.

The water splashing up my legs was cold, but not frigid and a nice antidote to the sweaty heat I was building up inside my shell.

I scrambled beneath the cedars at the base of Leveaux Mountain where the roots made for fancy footwork, jumped a fallen tree and bombed down a steep hillside to the Onion River, which was wild with rapids. Newly submerged boulders seethed with foam.

I ran up the other side and through another mile of puddles until I got to the parking lot at the base of Oberg. There was the loop I was planning to run; there was the sign pointing to the Lutsen Mountains ski resort in 6.8 miles on the SHT. I had to climb over Moose Mountain on the way. How ambitious was I feeling?

I pulled the Triscuits out of  my left pocket and munched them while I pondered this. The run left a few permutations, including just going as far as Moose Mountain in less than three miles and turning back, or running down the ski slopes and down to the bike trail that could take me back to my apartment in eight miles.

I decided I’d figure these things out as I went.

Going past Oberg took me beneath two-hundred foot basalt cliffs on a windy downslope.

Trail running  sometimes feels less like running and more like skipping and dancing. It really does.

I find myself putting my feet down to a weird rhythm and flinging my body around in a way that  — well it isn’t dancing  — but it feels like I’ve tapped into the harmony of the trail. You can call that a bunch of sentimental bullshit, but I mean it. The trail is my dance partner.

I know I look far from graceful out there, I flail my arms and I fall down plenty, but I love trail running for its weird contortions. There’s the stutter step before hopping a log, there’s twisting a foot at a weird angle to land perfectly between two roots while angling my body to divert my momentum away from the tree trunk. How satisfying it is to use mind and body together in order to navigate a sudden dip in the trail. The same principles apply to mountain biking, sking — well pretty  much all the sports, but with running it’s just you and the shoes doing the work.

The trails are a nice change from road running where consistency of form is crucial to success. Out on the the trails, I feel at liberty to be delightfully irregular. I will jut an arm out to balance myself on a steep curve or drop into a crouch after a steep jump. I will swing my head out of the path of a tree branch before it slaps me in the face. I even switch to power hiking on the steepest hills, where I find that I can keep the same speed at a walk as I can hold running and with less effort.

Trails are obviously much slower for me than the roads, but I also feel like I can stick it out for longer on trails where there is plenty of variation in form an intensity.  Those windy trails only let me go so fast in places and sometimes I’m happy for the enforced break.

The summit of Moose Mountain was draped in freezing fog, buffeted by wind. I found shelter in a ski patrol cabin where I ate more of my Trisquits and left some crumbs for psychological sustenance down the trail.  When I stepped outside,I discovered an untied shoelace and barely had the strength in my freezing hands to re-knot it. The trail wound beneath basalt overhangs, then it crossed some of the black diamond ski runs. The machine-made snow hadn’t melted yet, was still packed firm against the slope. I was loathe to take that ride to the bare rock and brush waiting at the bottom. I broke a tree branch and used it as an ice axe (well, more of a dagger) and kick steps into the snow. I was able to cross two slopes like this no problem, but met my match on a patch of wet brush. The reeds all pointed downhill and down I went.

I descended the rest of the way down the mountain with greater caution.  In the disorienting fog without a map, I used my compass to point myself north in the direction of the ski lodge.

Up from the valley below came the roar of the Poplar River. And lo! What a beautiful stretch of whitewater. The rapids looked like a healthy Class III with no obvious hazards (at least until the deadly canyon narrows that waited further downstream.) I feasted my eyes and even took some  time out to do a bit of scouting.

Verily, there was a bounty of exciting opportunities for my new kayak and I, but that is a story for another day.

The trail switched back over various bridges, so I could drool into the whitewater, then I veered off to climb a miserable scrub hill  in the direction of the road I wanted. In a short while, this road goes back to the SHT right where it crosses the  river  again at the place I like to call You Will Die Falls. There are a series of cascades here, boiling with angry water. Maybe a real pro could take this on, but  on a high water day like this the name definitely fit.

I went back to grooving and jiving my way up Moose Mountain when the hunger hit. I drank my remaining Trisquit fragments and licked the precious salt off my fingers. I drank out of a creek halfway between Moose and Oberg, putting my head down in the silty flow. I wouldn’t have done this a year ago, but I’ve heard from many authorities that the risks of contaminated water in the wilderness have been greatly exaggerated.

Soon after, I found a half-trampled wild leak lying in the trail where a forager must have dropped it. I ate the bulb. ‘Wonder how long I could live on these things if I stayed out here,’ I found myself thinking.

The bonk was definitely coming on now. I knew the slightly out of body, fairly stupid feeling that comes at the end of a long workout where I haven’t refueled enough. Basically, the exercise had stolen the glucose that my brain would have been using otherwise, and now my brain was taking a vacation in La La Land.

“La la la,” I sang to myself.

I pictured someone paddling on the easy stretch of river leading up to You Will Die Falls.

“La la laaaAaaughh!”

The brain was draining, but I was familiar with the feeling, and this made it easier to deal with. I tried not to think hard about anything and pooled all my mental resources onto the Tripping and Falling Avoidance line item.

There were still miles of muck to spat through before I finished. It would  be at least a 20-mile day and would take up about four and a half hours. Though I was tired, I knew from experience that I had enough to make it through.

I crashed through puddle after puddle and the cold water splashed up to my knees. I was long past giving a damn.

Walking on Ice

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Waves carved this small cave into the ice alongside Lake Superior.

 

It’s important to stand in the right place, get the angle right.

Come over here and look this way, out over the miles of ice that stretch clear to the horizon. If you’re patient, you might see one of the snow devils, 15-feet high whirlwinds, silent and barely discernable against the clouds. It’s the closest thing to life that you’ll see out there — at least through squinting, sun-tormented eyes.

In the foreground, see how the wind has smashed the ice into itself, forming curious piles that flash iridescent blue from within. It’s beautiful, but reminds us of the treacherous nature of our location. Even now, we hear the occasional grinding of ice against ice and the loud “chunk” sound beneath our feet. Perhaps we shouldn’t stand here.

This ice has only been around for a few days. Before that, it was open water. Before it was open water, it was a field of ice much like the one we are standing on. The winds came out from the north and blew that ice over the horizon in one night. The open water looked deep blue and innocent, as if it had always been that way.

Turning back toward the mainland, a very different world comes into view. Now we see the rental units at the resort, where guests can take the in the drama of the Lake Superior ice from a cozy armchair, maybe a Jacuzzi.

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LeAnn explores another ice cave

OK, so were not in Greenland. We won’t be sleeping in an igloo tonight. I’m thinking about renting a movie before we go back to my apartment with its hot running water and heated floor. I’m grateful for the conveniences at my back, but also glad that I can make them disappear if I look in the right direction.

The biggest ice walls are at least 12 feet high. They were born several weeks back when six-foot waves crashed up against a thin ice layer along the shore. The bay looked like a churning field of broken glass. When all those shattered pieces smashed up against the beach, the waves bulldozed them into massive piles. The freezing spray welded it all together and added more height to the already impressive heaps.

If we climb over those heaps to the other side, we can really make the shoreline disappear. Plus, there might be some cool caves and alcoves worth exploring. We should take these ice axes, firstly because ice axes are badass, but also because we can use them to tap the ice in front of us and see if anything is suspect. If one of us did fall through, an axe could be a useful self-rescue tool. Hopefully, this will not be necessary. I hope I’m not being an idiot.

I do want us to use the axes, but mainly to see if we can climb up a formation I call “The Blowhole.” When the waves were crashing in a couple weeks ago, spray had erupted through this opening in the ice like a miniature Old Faithful geyser. Now that the waves are gone, I’d like a shot at going up myself.

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The frozen Lake Superior as seen from another ice cave. A few days later, all of the flat ice would be open water again.

Before we get to the climb, however, there’s plenty of other cool stuff to check out, including all these caves. Right next to the dock I’d kayaked under in the summer (it’s completely caked in ice now) there is a small cavern barely tall enough to crawl through and even then I don’t go far because I don’t want to bring all the icicles on top of my head. What is really striking is the sapphire glow from within the ice. It reminds me of photographs of containment pools for depleted nuclear rods.

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In the ice cathedral

You whoop at the wild isolation of our locale. I’m glad you’re so adventurous and that you take so much joy in this simple outing. You climb up into alcoves for me to take pictures, taste the murderous-looking icicles above our heads.

Climbing up the blowhole won’t be so difficult, I realize, when I see it from the bottom. It starts as a gentle slope, and the fact that I will be ascending in a cylinder offers numerous holds for both axe tips and the crampon points. Nonetheless, I strap my crampons on and take both ice axes. It only takes me a few seconds to wriggle up and flop out onto the bright ice.

I come back around so that you can try it yourself. You elect to skip the crampons, and clamber up, no problem. Fine. I’ll skip the axes and climb out of there with crampons alone. I manage, though it takes some awkward footwork.

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Climbing the blowhole

We spend another twenty minutes exploring the network of caves and alcoves. I try another climb above an overhang. It gets tough when I have no ice to sink my crampons into, and eventually I reach out and grab a knob of ice to pull myself up the last stretch. Eventually, we leave to drive to another point along the shore, which supposedly has some other impressive formations.

Indeed, when we arrive, there are several piles that look like shattered plate glass. Most are about six-inches thick and anywhere from a foot to seven feet long. It is possible to pick one up and look right through it like a window — or marvel at the tiny trails of bubbles in suspended animation.

You talk about building a fantastic see-through igloo. I’d be tempted to try if my feet weren’t so cold. There’s so much more to explore and do, but right now I’m getting cold as all hell.

We walk out to the far point, which is a defiant stone bulwark jutting out against the lake. The waves have absolutely pummeled this rock. It is about 25-teet tall and utterly draped with ice. 19th century traders traveling along the shore called this the “Sugarloaf” because the rock resembled one of the old sacks of sugar that they would have shipped up the coast. The white ice glaze certainly goes well with this name. Of course we have to climb it.

I’m too cold to put crampons on, so we go around to the easier sloping side. My jaw and other muscles are clenched tight against the cold. You seem to be doing just fine. It figures. You were raised near this latitude.

The wind howls from the other side of the stone. I make the first ascent, semi-clumsy with cold and eager to get back to the car before that tingling in my feet becomes frostbite. The wind smacks me head-on at the top, rips away at what little warmth I have left.

I beat a fast retreat, allowing myself to butt-slide on some of the gentler sections of ice. I hop from foot to foot as you make your own climb.

Perspective is everything again. From down here, the barren stone outcrop looks like it could be some oxygen-starved peak above the Tibetan highlands. It is easy to imagine the month-long trek, the thousands of feet of elevation gain, lost toes and fluid in the lungs — all for the chance to stand on some godforsaken rock. I say that as someone who loves to climb thousands of feet to stand on godforsaken rocks. It was one of the things that I worried about when I moved to Minnesota, with its shrimpy mountains. But latitude has a way of making up for altitude. Here, we can have our rock within a 25-foot climb. The miles of tortured ice are a bonus. Also, I have someone to enjoy it with.

You reach the summit; raise the axes in a war whoop. It might as well be the top of the world.

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LeAnn takes on the Sugarloaf

The Thanksgiving Run

A proper Thanksgiving, for me, has to start with a run.

Obviously, on a day that’s centered on consuming massive amounts of food, it makes sense to try to burn off some calories ahead of time. It is also helpful to get physically hungrier before sitting at a table where certain relatives will monitor your intake and ask questions like, “Are you sure you’re eating enough?”, when you don’t meet quota.

There is always something wholesome about getting out to breath the air, to take the scope of the land. But on a day like Thanksgiving, much of which is spent inside, sitting and watching other people play football, it is easy to fall into a daze of inactivity and cabin fever. I have an easier time accepting this when I’ve plopped a run into the bank a couple hours earlier.

My memorable Thanksgiving runs include the times in high school when I ran the 12 miles from home to my grandparents’ apartment with my dad. Later, I drove up to the 4.7-mile Manchester Road Race to spill my guts on the pavement against my college cross-country buddies. I also hit the roads at a local 5K when I lived in Wyoming. Even in a new place with new faces, it was comforting to keep the tradition going.

 

I left my apartment Thanksgiving 2014 with no plan in mind, one of my favorite ways to run.

There is plenty of territory to cover here on northern Minnesota’s north shore. The immense Superior National Forest, right outside my door, stretches up to the Boundary Waters and Canada. Some snowmobile trails in the nearby woods offered a good pathway to the wild. While there was some snow cover on them, there was not yet enough to accommodate the loud machines. The woods still belonged to the chittering squirrels, laughing woodpeckers and the hard breath of any runner who decided to puff up the grade from Lake Superior into the Sawtooth Mountains.

 

I thought about how the holiday had changed for me over the years. Once the kid who grabbed the turkey drumstick, I’d stopped eating meat in middle school. Some beloved faces left the dinner table as new ones joined.

Since I started living away from the New England in 2011, I haven’t been around for the family meals, though I’ve shared meals with new friends in new places and faithfully dropped a line to the old gang in Connecticut.

Unlike past years, I didn’t have an invite to anyone’s table (that’s what happens when you get to a new place, keep to yourself and read a lot.)

 

The tally of Grand Thanksgiving Traditions for 2014 stood thusly:

Thanksgiving Turkey? Nope.

Pumpkin Pie? Nope.

Macy’s Day Parade Viewing? Who cares?

Football Viewing? Ditto.

Shopping on Black Friday and or Thanksgiving Day itself? Hell no.

Sitting At The Family Table? Nope.

Sitting Amongst Friends? Nope.

Sitting At Any Table? Yes, a delightful meal for one consisting of butternut squash fresh-baked bread and stir-fry.

Calling in to The Family? Yes, I’d have a Skype chat with them later in the day.

Going Running? Hell yeah!

 

Seeing that running was one of the only common threads between past holidays made it  feel even more important to observe the tradition.

Thanksgiving celebrates (among other things) the bounty of the harvest: think Norman Rockwell’s “Freedom From Want” painting from the Four Freedoms series: a happy family gathered around the table brimming with food.

If I didn’t have the bursting table in front of me, I could feast my eyes upon bountiful landscape of Minnesota’s north woods in winter.

There were the immense cedars that had raised their twisted arms to the sun long before the Mayflower caught sight of Massachusetts; solemn stands of spruce and balsam fir; the aspen and birch whose bark flashed white against the late autumn illumination.

My tracks joined those of mice, voles and squirrels. Somewhere in that forest, packs of wolves were out, still stalking their native territory.

As for human souls, I might have run clear to Canada without seeing one.

Not caring to stop, I passed by the trails I’d known onto new territory. Every time I thought about turning around, some glint along the trail ahead that would tempt me further. The snow got deeper as I got further into the hills. Sometimes the crust held; sometimes it broke. I slowed to an awkward shuffle.

Eventually, I came to Six Hundred Road — a well-kept logging road that I’d biked on months earlier. I knew I could make a convenient loop by hooking right to the Sawbill Trail leading back to my apartment. Boring mashed potatoes. Turkey stuffing. I looked left to where dark spruce trees flanked the snowy lane. Yes, I could do with a helping of that.

I knew that there was an intersection with another logging road in a couple more miles, one that would lead me back to civilization. I’d be committing myself to about 16 miles of running though, longer than I’d gone since June. But I didn’t feel like I’d had my fill yet.

I took the road to the left, letting icicles accumulate on my beard and mustache. The road climbed steeply to the top of “Heartbreak Hill” so-named because it had been the heartbreak of old loggers who tried to sledge timber up the steep grade.

In another couple miles, I came to the intersection with the other logging road, where I could look all the way down (about five miles as the crow flies) to Lake Superior.

I ran downhill for a few miles, and then split off onto the Superior Hiking Trail along the frozen Temperance River. I indulged in several stops to look at icefalls and appreciate the meringue-like formations in the frozen foam.

For the last course of my run, I made a point of running the rest of the way down to Lake Superior.

The snow had almost disappeared along the lake’s edge, but the lakeside rocks were shellacked with ice. Wisps of steam climbed into the single-digit air, and obscured the horizon into a dreamy blur.

I walked out onto a dock and stood there tired in the sun.

The feast had filled me. And I was thankful.

Brace Yourself

 

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I grab my paddle off the ramp, and prep for battle

I slid the red 16-foot sea kayak down the boat ramp as 8-foot rollers smashed into the break-wall at the edge of the tiny harbor.

A sudden rush of water snatched at the boat but I stomped it before it got away. You’re not going out there without me, buddy. I’d already committed to doing what others (and maybe this writer) might have considered the ultimate confluence of boredom, idiocy and pride.

Maybe the dark walls of water curling over and slamming the rocks in monolithic plumes of spray were nature’s way of saying, “Don’t mess with this.” Ditto the gale warning up on the National Weather Service or the fact that surface temps for Lake Superior’s North Shore in September had already dropped to 48-degrees. There wasn’t much margin for error.

On another milder day, I knew that I could swim to shore with a flipped kayak, or get back in. I’d practiced tipping my boat and getting back inside when there was 3-foot surf and executed Eskimo rolls, mostly successfully in the same conditions.

Looking at the raging lake, I had less confidence that I’d be able to do any of those things. If I flipped, I might have to surrender my boat and swim back through breaking waves as my body started going stupid and useless in the cold water.

 

My girlfriend had come along (Christ, if there were ever a reason to do something dumb) with my camera around her neck (there’s another one.) If this was about showing off, I deserved to flip, so I hoped I wasn’t.

I’d given her a line to throw and a lifejacket to wear in case I got close to shore, but couldn’t save myself. Not that this built much margin of safety. I thought about how it was selfish to give her this equipment, as it made someone else shoulder the risk I was taking.

The selfishness of going out also included the possibility of screwing up in such a way that an emergency call would send first responders over the dangerous lake to recover my dumb ass.

So now that I had established that I was a stupid, selfish person, it was time to get out there and do what I’d come for.

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The breakwater took the brunt off the big stuff, but it also made for chaotic currents within the harbor.
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And to the breach …

I eased myself into the boat and popped my spray skirt on as quickly as I could. A couple of scoots down the concrete ramp and I could paddle forward.

The sea kayak, which normally feels bombproof in the waves, felt immediately unreliable, sensitive to the confused currents swirling around the harbor. I wasn’t even past the breakwater yet.

That jagged pile of quarried stones, was absorbing most of the fury from the waves. A concrete pier to my right further insulated me from the melee.

A wave roared up against the barrier and struck with surround-sound percussion as white spray erupted to the sky. The water surged through the rocks and at my boat, diminished but still powerful. I girded myself by thrusting the paddle down in the classic “low-brace” that kayakers use to stop their boats from turning turtle.

I paddled forward as the reflected waves and confused currents tugged at me, bracing myself now and again as more waves came in.

But I felt confident. Fear had made me hyper-vigilant. If I could stay afraid without panic, I had a chance.

As soon as I left the breakwater’s protection, I’d be in the zone where the waves were curling over. If I were going to flip, it would probably happen here.

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I leave the sanctuary of the harbor.

As soon as I got out, I spun around to face the waves (this is important) before the boat tilted upward on the edge of an enormous breaker. I charged my attacker, and made it three-quarters of the way up, before it curled. The water splashed over my sprayskirt against my belly, but I made it through.

There was thunder in my ears as the wave exploded onto the jagged shoreline a dozen feet behind me. If I’d come through one second later, that would have been the end of the ride.

I sprinted forward a few more yards before the next wave came. This time, the kayak cleared the top before I came down the other side. The further I got from shore the less chaotic the waves were, giving me a better chance of staying upright. Of course, further from shore also meant further from safety.

The breakwater appeared and disappeared in my vision as the waves heaved around it. I realized that my boat was hidden from shore most of the time, concealed in the rolling canyons of agitated water.

As I went up and over another swell, a wind gust conjured a ghost of spray up off its dark back. The cold mist swirled around my cheeks in sinister caress. There was hardly time to look around, but when I did, I saw an endless battlefield. Wave regiments charged stone ramparts under banners of spray. Their explosions marched up and down the shore.

I knew I wanted to head back soon, but was afraid to turn the boat side-on into the waves. I gathered my wits for a minute, paddled further out, then jammed my paddle in and spun the boat quick as I could. One wave came up on me before I completely executed the turn. I lanced it with my paddle and thrust down against the flat of the blade, stabilizing the boat — barely.

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I lean into the breaking wave with a low brace.

I paddled toward the harbor with extreme caution, sometimes back paddling to kill momentum. The swells coming up from behind me gave me the option to try to surf one in. A fun ride, but no thanks. Not with the waves detonating against the rocks.

Another wave pushed me forward and grabbed the back of my boat. I leaned into it and fought back with the paddle to avoid going sideways. Or under. The nose pointed up again and I paddled for the harbor with all I was worth.

The top of the wave curled over my boat and I had to go backwards to avoid being thrust forward into the break zone. I rocked sideways as it exploded onto shore right in front of me. Crap! The lake was pushing me into the bad place

I tried to spin my nose back into the waves, but only got so far before the next one caught me.

The wall of water lifted my boat and then exploded underneath as it curled over. I felt the kayak tilt sideways as the spray flew up. This is it, I’m going under, I thought. But instincts were on my side. I thrashed the water with a desperate high-brace, throwing my paddle out and down to fling myself back upright. This also jerked a spasm of pain through my shoulder blade. Yes, I could see how kayakers got dislocations from playing in the surf.

I barely had time to finish turning the boat into the waves, when the next one yanked my nose up and crashed over me. All I saw was white; the boat went sideways again; again, I saved myself with a high brace.

I came back up and turned myself around. The protected area behind the breakwater was tantalizingly close; only a couple yards away, but I didn’t dare turn my boat parallel to the waves. Instead, I started draw stroking — paddling the boat sideways toward safety. It was slow progress, but it was progress.

The outermost rocks took some of the edge off the next wave, though I still had to brace and the reflected waves within the harbor were nearly as treacherous as their progenitor.

I wrestled with the conflicting currents and spun my boat around amidst more reflecting waves. I saw the concrete ramp and sprinted in, driving the boat up. My hands went to the front strap of the spray skirt and yanked. I swung my legs out of the cockpit, and ran up the ramp, dragging the boat behind before the next wave pulled it back.

My girlfriend and I hugged each other through our lifejackets. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so grateful to be on land. My heart still thudded like a jackhammer and my limbs were tingling.

I noticed a pickup truck parked nearby with the window rolled down and an older guy behind the wheel wearing a strange expression.

Oh great, I thought. Here comes the ‘You are stupid’ speech.

Sure enough, the guy asked me something, but I couldn’t hear against the waves. I walked closer.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“Why did you do it?”

Excellent question. I hadn’t exactly made up my mind about that one. It might have been too many slow days on the North Shore, guiding groups out on pancake-flat water. Maybe, I had worried that I still hadn’t earned my stripes as a “serious kayaker.” It also could have been that attractive power of dangerous things.

“I wanted to find my limits,” I answered.

“Well, did you find them?”

I let out a puff of breath.

“Yeah. I found them alright.”

He nodded and I might have seen something like respect in his expression.

“Good. I almost called Search and Rescue. You’re not going back out there are you?”

“No. No way I’m doing that again.”

“Good.” He said, and pulled away, leaving me dripping on the shore, just out of reach from the waves crashing in. They could rule the lake unchallenged.

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I try to maneuver back into the harbor without flipping